The Greatest Map

lost - adj. 1. no longer possessed or retained 2. no longer to be found   3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc

I am lost. Lost in my own life. Lost in my own mind and body. Lost in God. 

I can't seem to find my way out of any of it and without God I don't think I will.

I've grown up going to a few different churches. I went to a religious college. I've always had faith in God. That's never been a question, even through tragedy and anger. For the first time, in a long time, I feel like I'm struggling to find that relationship with God. I haven't lost my faith. I've lost my commitment. 
  
After college I searched for a long time to find a church that I loved. When my husband and I were planning our wedding he told me a church that he wanted to get married. It was where his parents were married and his grandmother still attended. I called the Pastor and we set up a meeting with her. We started to attend and I fell in love with the church and Pastor Sandi. She is one of the most generous, kind, thoughtful souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Every time she leaves me a voicemail message or sends me an e-mail she ends with "love you both" (meaning my husband and me). The congregation embraced us with open arms and it didn't take long to feel like a real part of their church family. 

With a place like that how could I possibly feel like my relationship with God is struggling? Easy. I haven't been putting into it nearly as much and I've been expecting.

God provides for me every single day. Without His blessing I wouldn't be in treatment. He saved my life, again. So why can't I seem to get it together and give Him a small fraction of what He's given to me?

I have many reasons excuses for not going to church every Sunday: I have to work, I worked late the night before, I've been there (this many) weeks in a row, I'm tired (it's sad but true). What if Jesus had decided that He didn't want to sacfice himself for me. That he was busy (trying to save the world) or tired.

I like to quote scripture that tells me what God can do for me:

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I like knowing that God will give me rest when I am weary ( most of the time) and has a plan for me when I have no idea where I'm supposed to be going (all of the time). But I've come to see that I ignore the scripture that tells me what is required to be a follower of Christ:

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

But what does that mean?

I read an article that spoke about surrender and self-sacrifice. They are related like a root and a fruit. The root is surrender (surrendering all to God) and the fruit is self-sacrifice (sacrificing our plans and possessions for God's plan). How do I even begin to find a way in Christ if I'm not willing to do this? Maybe this is a good place to start.

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8