We all have different sides to our personalities. I have recently embraced a new side of myself: I don't care Mandi. She is apathetic, impatient, unfiltered…and I love her. She speaks without hesitation. She voices how she really feels. And doesn't care if somebody doesn't like it. She also eats.
My life has gotten progressively more rocky over the past few months. I'm several pounds under the weight that my body needs to function properly.
I'm tired of think and hurting and analyzing and feeling and crying. She lets me take a break from all of that. Is this the best way to cope? No way. Is it better than restricting? Yes.
She comes and goes. Sometimes she sticks around for a few hours. Other times she makes a brief appearance and goes back into hiding. I guess I have to find that tricky balance between caring so much that I lose myself and not caring at all.
Do I have to be disconnected and guarded to eat? It seems so. Will it always be this way? I hope not. But for now, I'll take it.
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