Forming attachments is a skill that I have refined over the years. My judgement on a healthy vs unhealthy attachment is something I'm still learning. Taking my time to form attachments is something I'm still learning. It's always been very natural for me to see the good, whether that's in people or actions. The wall around my heart doesn't go up until it's broken. But by then it's too late.
People have broken my heart. It happens. It's a part of life. Friends, family, boys. Me. All guilty.
Why is it so easy for me to attach and so excruciating to let go? Surrounding myself with the uplifting, loving and supportive instead of the stressful, insulting and judgmental. I'd like to think that certain people and things enter our lives for a reason. To teach us a lesson. To help mold us. To strengthen our character. To help us learn what we want and are willing to put up with. To recognize what is toxic. To recognize what is positive. To learn what relationships bring out the best version of ourselves.
I have toxicity in my life. Relationships. Situations. ED. These things bring me down. They make me stressed. They cause panic attacks. They make me cry. They make me feel the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life. I'm tired of feeling like that.
To all that is toxic, this is for you...
You don't deserve my thoughts. You don't deserve my attention. You don't deserve my heart. You can't cherish or protect my heart. You are not worthy. You break my heart. Every time you exert your influence. Every time you make me second guess myself and the effort that I'm worth. You are a part of me and you don't deserve it. You can't have it anymore. I need it. I deserve my effort. My focus. My love. I am worthy of my love.
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