This is the current battle raging inside of my head.
The explanation? Going out to dinner. "Let's go out to eat" - "Let's meet up for dinner" - "We'll have to grab something on the way to (insert destination)" The amount of fear that those phrases inflict is mind blowing. What should be a relaxed night out with my husband, family or friends is overshadowed by my fear of a menu or restaurant that refuses to post nutrition information.
I was married almost 2 years ago. August 27. The first week in December we took a fabulous honeymoon - a 10 days Eastern Caribbean cruise. I was beyond excited. I love to cruise and my husband had never been on a cruise. I really talked it up and I couldn't want to share it with him. I had a mild fear going into this knowing that there was food available ALL of the time on a ship. My first cruise was before I lost any weight. My second cruise was a few months after I started losing weight, before I severely restricted. This was my third cruise and my far the most stressful. The amount of time I spent worrying about what I was eating, working out (which made me sick while the boat was sailing but which I continued to do anyway) and trying to find a scale to weigh myself is heart breaking. After that I said that I wouldn't do that again. I came back from the cruise having gained ZERO weight and thought that they next time we went on vacation it would be easy.
Now I can't even enjoy a restaurant without stress and anxiety.
My current predicament: Girls Night Out Dinner at a wonderful, upscale seafood restaurant. I LOVE fish and shrimp. I always have. I've come to love it more since I realized that it had little to no fat and was very low in calories. I've been to this restaurant twice. There is a particular side dish that I've lusted over but have yet to order...lobster mac and cheese. The rational side of my brain says that it's just a side dish, how much harm can it do. The ED side (which is usually the winner) says that it's MAC AND CHEESE!!! It's loaded with cheese and cream and milk...and who knows what else. There is nothing about that that is good for you. You're much better off ordering vegetables. At least you'll get some kind of nutritional benefit. The mac and cheese will not benefit you in any way.
I've been torn for days. I had a mini breakdown last night and have started to worry my husband (again). When will I stop having bad days? Will I ever stop having bad days? Why can't I be "normal" and not worry about what I'm eating?...What will I order for dinner??
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