There are many times over the past few days that I've wanted to blog but I either haven't felt like it or haven't found the time. I think I need to do it no matter how I'm feeling. It always seems to help. This post isn't going to be a negative one...well, not much of it.
I have taken a huge step!
I ate an entire candy bar!
Not half, not just a bite, not a mini...an entire full size candy bar. And it was delicious.
About a week ago my nutritionist changed my eating plan yet again. She has me eating more calories, more fat and a dessert (ice cream, cake, cookies, pie) every single day. She also added a candy bar into the mix. Now I realize that this might sound like a gift to some people but many guilty feelings accompany a delicious dessert. I've been doing this for about a week and I feel less guilty every time I eat something. I've been sticking to either chocolate chip cookies or Neapolitan ice cream with pretzels. I also ate my candy bar. Curtis and I each had a snickers last night. I can't remember the last time I ate a snickers. They're my favorite candy bar so I've always had this fear that if I eat even a little bit (or a mini) I won't be able to control myself and I'll just keep eating them. Well I did eat one and that didn't happen. I ate it, felt extremely satisfied and moved on. I didn't even feel guilty...which made me feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty. I realize how crazy that sounds. I'm working on that.
It was a big step and I feel awesome that I was able to do that. Now I know that if I want candy, I can eat candy.
My mom joined me in my therapy session yesterday and I was so grateful. There have been many times that I've tried to explain my eating to her and what I need to do/change in order to conquer this and it never seems to come out right. My therapist, Barb, is wonderful and really helped her understand (I hope!). I've spent most of my life taking care of everybody and it's time that I pulled back and took care of myself for awhile. I need to take myself out of the middle of everything. We'll see how that goes.
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